In the last 6 weeks 90% of the women who have contacted me have said they feel like they have no time for themselves.

This is by no means unusual.

We all have many roles in life – if you’re a married woman and have children, you’re a wife, mother, homemaker, daughter, sister, friend, business owner, employee or boss, etc, etc.

What often happens is that you always tend to the more urgent roles and you and your personal time is usually the last thing on the list.

As a result, you start feeling resentful but also very soon you may burn out.

That’s the point when people usually contact me.

Which is great because I love working with people who are ready to take action and make changes in their lives.

So what do you do?

Do you just accept this as your lot in life while you have young kids in the house or what do you do?

1. Decide that you are also important

I never ever believe that we need to sacrifice the parts of us that make us feel most alive.

This is a mindshift change from mothers being the martyrs so take your time and work on this mental adjustment.

2. Identify a couple of activities that will work for you

Everybody is different so this is a personal exercise.

Some of my clients like to do pamper-type activities like a manicure, pedicure, hair appointment or massage.

Some others like to do creative things like sewing, mosaics, scrapbooking, painting and decorating.

Still others just want time, either by themselves to recharge (often the introverts) or with a couple of close girl friends to connect with their pre-mom selves again.

Are you seeing which group you fit into?

3. Choose the minimum response that will yield results

In my bestselling “break out of overwhelm” audio and handbook (sold as part of the Organise your Time system), I talk about always knowing your minimum responses.

When my twins were newborns, life was crazy. I felt like I had no time to do anything for myself as I was running around washing bottles, making bottles, feeding, burping, bathing, changing, getting the baby to sleep, and then the other one would wake!

During those crazy times, I was happy if I could have just 5 minutes to sit, drink a hot cup of tea in peace and eat breakfast. Seriously, my expectations were that low.

That was my minimum response.

Now, I expect hours every day to “do my thing” and I have it because I’ve set things up that way.

But I started very, very small.

See?

So what is the minimum response for you?

Now that you have those questions sorted out, start creating the time for yourself.

If you’re not sure what to do next or you can’t see a way out of your fog, I can help you.

This is my “thing” - I will help you intentionally craft out time for you to feel valued, honoured and fulfilled.

My free time is Very Important to me and I get that yours is too.

Contact me for a f.ree no-obligation, 15-min chat to see how I can help you feel human again

Otherwise, if your style is to do things by yourself, have a look at the Organise your Time system .

In just a few minutes you could be on your way to more peace and sanity in your life.

What are some of the things that you most need to feel fulfilled and happy?

This week’s theme is perfect for the busy time I’m going through right now: procrastination.

I’ve noted that the more stressed and overwhelmed I feel, the more I procrastinate. I tend to be a perfectionist as well, to keep some sort of control I guess, and as Marcia says in the lesson, it’s often the main cause of procrastination.

The tips she gives to break procrastination are all great, but my fave is to do the most unpleasant or difficult task first, or as she often says, to “eat the frog“.

I often tell myself, “eat broccoli first, dessert after”, which means the same: once the task you dreaded most is done, you feel proud of yourself and the rest seems almost easy!

I’ve recently noted something very similar in my professional life (again): I had the chance to have a couple days without my boss being in the office all day.

She’s a mayor’s deleguee and we work together all the time since we’re planning a very big event.

We work great together usually, but when she asks for something, “not now” or “I should be doing something else instead” is NOT an acceptable answer.

When she spends the day in my office, I usually don’t do much besides what she asks for. Anyway, last week she wasn’t there for two whole days. On the first one I thought “Oh, the day is long, I can start with some easy tasks, complete some filing and some “relaxing” to-do’s. I deserve some mini-vacation!”

Well, the days aren’t that long actually, and I can’t afford vacations, even mini ones! I ended up not having done much and feeling frustrated for “wasting” a day.

I didn’t repeated that same mistake on the second day when she was gone, and at lunch break I had already written 4 articles for the town magazine, updated the website for the 3 coming weeks and finished the programme for our big event so that it could be printed as soon as she would give me the green light!

I can’t tell you how proud and satisfied I felt compared to the first day.

Lesson learned: I will start my day with the most important and most annoying tasks first, so that if my day gets crazy afterwards, at least this part is done. Filing can wait (not indefinitely, but you get the idea! LOL)!

Take care!

Chloe, I love how you recognised your time challenges both with your boss’s demanding style and with your own internal distractions the first day, but most of all, I love how you self-corrected.

Fantastic job – I’m so proud of you.

Do you procrastinate?
Have you ever thought about why you do so?

This week’s theme couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

I have a 5 day long music festival to organise for the very first time (needless to say we’re starting from scratch!) at work for the end of June.

As if this wasn’t enough, I also had a FET (frozen embryo transfer) planned at the beginning of July. My body started to act weird and this weekend I was sure I would never be able to get the FET done this summer and that I would have to wait until September. Knowing that, you’ll understand why I got a terrible score at the stress test included in this week’s lesson when I filled it in on Sunday night: I got 22 signs of stress, which means that I am 20% effective. Only!

Luckily, my FET issues got solved on Monday and I might have less stress signs if I’d redo the test today. But this didn’t solve everything, by far!

Here are the main stressors I’ve identified, and the solutions I’d like to apply:

AT HOME:

• Infertility: not knowing what will happen, not controlling things. Solution: maybe see a therapist to help me deal with the emotional side of this process. I can’t control the situation but I can control my attitude towards it!
• Being overweight (well… obese, to be honest!): I feel bad about myself, guilty, always tired. Solution: sleep (it’s a big factor in weight loss, even if often underestimated), eat more good food (eating less of the bad ones doesn’t work with me) and exercise some. That last one might not be done right now considering my crazy schedule, but it’s on the list nonetheless!
• Feeling that I do a lot of chores compared to DBF (even if it’s not completely true). Solution: express this feeling (he can’t read my mind!) and simply ask him to help me.
• Money worries. Solution: live frugally by cutting the last few extras, create and follow a budget.
• Guilt for not doing enough, perfectionism. Solution: admit that I can’t do it all, give up on some things/activities, declutter my (self-imposed) obligations.

AT WORK:

• Too much work. Solution: delegate, wait before saying yes and make sure that I can do something properly and without stress before accepting it.
• One of my bosses’ interruptions and sense of urgency. Solution: plan for interruptions and make “real work” on other times of the day, when I know she won’t be around.
• Not feeling recognised and respected. Solution: take my distances, this is “just” a job!

Okay, I know some of those solutions are easier said than done, but listing the things I want to work on is the first step.

I will start taking action on the items that I can manage in this crazy time without adding too much extra stress to my life.

For example, finding the time to exercise wouldn’t be easy and would do more harm than good. But getting to bed earlier to get more zzzzz in is totally doable and would help tremendously. It’s a cost/benefit balance that I need to find!

Do you have any ideas that would help me defeat my stressors? Please share! And take care!!

Marcia here – I’ve answered Chloe in the comments. Join your voice to mine.

Ah, saying no… quite a program for this week, isn’t it?

Well, to me saying no is something quite difficult to do.

Not because I can’t say no, but because I don’t say it in a good way.

I’m very strong-minded and I have a sharp tongue, and if I don’t pay attention I can be very rude. Knowing that, I was especially interested into the tips that Marcia would give in this week’s lesson about how to say no in an effective and good way.

Strangely, “NO” can be very positive and “yes” can be negative: “When you say yes to one thing, you always say no to something else”, says Marcia.

And the opposite is true. Saying no to something that isn’t aligned with the life your pursue is saying yes to your true goals and aspirations.

The things I want to say no to are the following:

• accepting extra work that isn’t my responsability, especially when there is nothing good in return,
• tolerating when someone is unfair and disrespectful to my work and, consequently, to me,
• doing extra work without even being asked to.

Once again, the professional area is the one I’ll be focusing on, as I feel respected in my private life.

What I liked most about this week’s lesson is that the last page focus on enjoying life. It helps realising that, when you say no to some unimportant, negative, useless things, you have more time, more energy and more life to spend doing important, positive things, that make you grow and feel happy.

The next month will be extremely busy at work, and we’ll have an infertility treatment right after that (frozen embryo transfer), so needless to say that it’ll be a stressful time.

Remembering to enjoy life will be more important than ever, and I’ve already scheduled some fun events: a maternity photo session with a pregnant friend of mine, some pages I want to scrap, a lunch with my friends.

All those steps will make the stressful period easier to go through.

Take care!
Chloe

Hi, Marcia here

Chloe, I love how you’ve already scheduled lots of fun events to keep you focussed and looking forward. Fantastic!!!

(you’ll see exactly why when you read tomorrow’s newsletter )

All the best with your FET and with saying no to things you want less of in your life.

Over to you – how easy is it for you to say no?

PS Sam’s had sick kiddos and will be back once they’re healthy again

Last year was not the best Mother’s Day (even though it was my first) as I was sleep deprived and the babies were still such a lot of work.

I know nobody talks about the hard times but hey, that’s what you come here for, right? Honesty

Anyway, so this year I was determined to have a much better day.

I did a couple of things that worked really well and when I was reflecting on them, I thought this might resonate with a couple of you too, so here goes:

I made my expectations clear and didn’t expect my husband to read my mind

He asked what I wanted and I told him “small and practical gifts, one from you and one from the babies, plus some me time”

I gave myself permission to take the me time

I realised after I asked for the “me time” that nobody had ever prevented me from taking it.

Least of all him.

It’s me who runs around cleaning the house and doing, doing, doing when I could easily stop and take a rest while the babies nap.

It’s cold in Jhb now and last week I realised that I needed some more long-sleeved t-shirts as I was still wearing 3 from when I was pregnant in the early stages, and another 2 from when I was huge.

Not a good look!

So off I went on Saturday morning for a solo shopping trip. One hour, R550 later and I was recharged.

On Sunday morning after we fed the kids, I jumped back into bed and had my breakfast. I chose to read for about 45 minutes.

Late afternoon when they were having their 2nd nap, I had another read.

It was heavenly.

But I realised that I need to give myself permission more often to do “nothing”. To relax.

How about you?

Are you also go, go, go? Do you need to give yourself permission to relax too?

Priorities, priorities, priorities…

Since doing this Simplify Your Life Course I have changed my ways.

My priorities have changed.

Now instead of putting the things first that don’t make me happy and fulfilled, I am now focusing on what is going to bring my life the greatest of happiness and achievement.

I am amazed at the impact changing your priorities has on your life. I have worked out the most important things in my life and ranked them from most important to least important. The areas are spiritual, financial, family, health, work, personal and friends.

Here is my ranking.

1. Spiritual

2. Financial

3. Home/Work

4. Health

5. Personal

6. Family

7. Friends

Spiritual for me is taking the time to meditate and spend quality time with my thoughts. I am making this a priority to do this every day.

Our financial situation needs work. I have made this a weekly priority by getting a babysitter every week to look after the kids whilst I do the book work, phone calls, pay bills and keep the finances under control. The cost of a babysitter is nothing compared to the savings I make keeping the finances in good order.

I have made it a priority to organise my whole home. Of course using the assistance of Marcia with her Organise your home e-course. I don’t work out of the home, so the home is my work. Every day I spend at least 30 minutes organising my home.

My health is improving with exercise 3 times a week. I have a weekly schedule that includes a trip to the gym Mon, Wed and Friday. This is a priority as I usually eat better and take better care of my health and my families health when I am exercising every week.

I have made it a priority to take more time out for myself. I have started shopping by myself again, just browsing the stores to feel like a woman again after becoming a mother. I am taking more time to get ready so I can feel good about myself.

I am making date night a priority at least once a month with my husband. I am also making sure that we are spending quality time as a family on the weekends taking the kids to the park or just being together and having fun.

I am keeping in contact with the friends that make the most impact on my life.

Taking a look at my priorities has made me re think how to fit in what is most important in my life.

Thanks again Marcia for getting me to think about the most important things in my life.

Sam

If you’ve ever been for a job interview (and who hasn’t?!), you’ll be well aware of that awful question: what are your strengths and weaknesses?

At that point you want to position yourself in the best possible light so you frantically scramble and try to think of a weakness that’s not too bad.

I’ll confess that years ago when I used to go for job interviews I used to answer that my strength and weakness was that I was a perfectionist.

Nowadays, I would bite my tongue before admitting that.

Yes, I’m a recovering perfectionist but it’s definitely not something I’m in the least bit proud of.

You see, I think perfectionism robs you of living a full and happy life.

Are you a perfectionist?

“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough – that we should try again.”

Julia Cameron

You may be a perfectionist if:

1. you think you’re the only person who can do something exactly right
2. you don’t even bother to do something unless you can do it 100% perfectly
3. you never ask for help as you see it as a sign of weakness
4. you can’t stand doing anything badly or failing at anything
5. you tend to notice others’ mistakes

Do you see what I mean?

If you’re constantly striving for the elusive perfection, you’re never going to be happy to just be.

Your relationships will suffer and so will your productivity.

Perfectionism has also been related to illnesses such as eating disorders, anxiety, depression and a host of relationship and emotional problems.

As I said, I used to be a fully-fledged perfectionist until I wised up.

I had to learn to let go a little, lower my impossible standards and change my language.

Next time I’ll give you some more tips on overcoming perfectionism.

But for now, tell me:

Are you a perfectionist? Is it something you’re proud of or have you already started seeing the limitations thereof?

If you’d like one-on-one help from a recovering perfectionist, be brave and contact me today.

I was just browsing my Google Reader and somebody linked to an application called Freedom that will prevent you  from going online for a certain, predetermined time.

The idea is that during that time you do what it is you’re supposed to do:

1. write your book
2. work on projects
3. organise your home
4. menu plan, etc.

I love it and hate it.

Love that the decision is then taken away from me and hate that I would need something to help with my self-discipline.

I recognise, however, that the computer eats into many things I should be doing but don’t get around to doing.

So it is a necessary thing in our overcrowded lives. And if this is the only way for you to impose self-discipline, then I say, “go for it”!

How about you?

How do you feel about this? Would you use it (there’s a version for PC and Mac)?

PS nobody’s paying me a single cent for writing about it – it just triggered a hot button and I want to hear from you

So, it’s 1 April but this is not an April Fool’s joke
I want to know what your organising and time goals are for the month.

I’ll go first. Mine are

1) enjoy a lovely holiday – we’re going away for 4 days this month – so quite a bit of packing to do

2) get this blog redesigned – it’s about time, isn’t it?
3) declutter and organise the kids’ clothes as we go into the colder weather
4) get chest of drawers and other dresser painted (I’m going olive green for the one and turquoise for the other)

Last month I didn’t get the filing done but I did declutter their toys.

Sometimes you just have to ask youself, “what’s driving me more crazy right this minute?”

So, what are your organising goals this month?

PS I’m also going to blog every day this month. So I need some ideas – what questions would you like me to answer? Ask in the comments and I’ll pepper my answers throughout the month. And don’t forget to send me your inspiring space, or the link if you see some gorgeous spaces while you’re blog-hopping.

Let’s talk about the difference between URGENT and IMPORTANT.

Urgent refers to a time deadline.

Important means it is high value.

Every day things come across our path that are of low or high importance, and low and high urgency.

Grab a piece of paper and draw a big square. Now draw a line down and another across. You should now have 4 smaller squares.

Along the top, write High Value and Low Value. And along the left-hand side, write Deadline and No Deadline.

Basically, you want to always focus your time in the blocks on the left.

The top block is high value AND high urgency, which means it must get done NOW and it is VERY important. I like to think of client work in this block. Clients are why most of us are in business and there are usually deadlines attached. If you’ve ever bought a product of mine, you’ll know that you’re redirected to a page telling you I have a 24-hour turnaround time. Private 1:1 clients know that I’ve committed to ALWAYS respond within 24 – 48 hours.

The block below that is HIGH value but LOW urgency and it is here that you need to focus if you’re ever going to move towards your goals. Why?

Nobody is standing over my head saying “you need to work on an email teleseminar” but I know that if I want to reach my goal of running x number of live teleseminars this year, I need to MAKE TIME to do that.

And it’s the same for you.

Whether your goal is to improve your fitness levels, get your home organised or have 3 hours of free time every week, you’re going to have to put some work into that quadrant.

That’s if you want to reach your goals.

I don’t even like to bother with the other two quadrants but I know that’s going to drive some of you crazy so let me just give you some email examples –

Low value tasks with a deadline are things like “send this email to 10 people within the next hour”. They have absolutely no value and the deadline is usually imposed by other people. Most interruptions also fall into this block.

Low value tasks with no deadline are emails with jokes, funny pictures and the like. My suggestion is to get these out of your inbox permanently as they disrupt your focus and waste your time!

For the next two weeks, your challenge is to focus on the top two quadrants and only do tasks that fit there.

• Bonus – really step it up by making sure that you definitely get AT LEAST one task in the “goals” quadrant done every day.