A friend asked me a few weeks ago what I thought of getting a skip (dumpster) to do a big declutter.

I said to her that while that would work for some people, it wouldn’t work for me.

1) I don’t have that much junk

2) I prefer things to leave my house a bag or two at a time because I’m a baby steps person.

I thought of that when I decided to simplify my make-up.

My secret organising fantasy is to have just one lipstick that looks good with all my clothes and wear only that.

Well, until that time comes, I’m simplifying my make-up very, very slowly. Baby steps.

Before I got to the before pic, I threw out about 3 – 4 lipsticks.

It was time to go through it again. I don’t make a big deal about organising/ decluttering/ simplifying – I wait until things feel like they need a tweak or until I get a bee in my bonnet and then I just have at it.

That’s what happened one Saturday evening after we got home and put the kids to bed (that’s why the pics are this strange shade) – on this particular night I tossed another 2.

BEFORE

AFTER – the stuff I use every day in the pink candle-holder and the rest on the other side

this plastic container with my eyeshadow rests on the top

this is what I use every day – lipliner, lipstick and an eyeliner and most days, some eyeshadow on my (very light) eyebrows

dental floss, blemish stick,brush, night cream and some other lipsticks and some lipliners

So… I want to know from you

Are you the type who gets the dumpster or do you declutter a bag or two at a time?
And.. do you wear the same shade of lipstick every day?

PS thanks to Chloe for giving me the idea of keeping the everyday make-up together. I love it

How stressed am I?

On a scale of 1 – 10 I would say my stress level is around a 7.

I do worry a lot about paying bills and our financial organisation.

My other stress is my kids. They are both still very little and trying to keep them amused each day whilst getting things done is a huge task.

Sometimes it is all too much.

They can be very loud and disruptive, not to mention the mess they make. I guess I am just an average stay-at-home mum who is struggling to maintain a balance amongst the chaos.

The things I do to de-stress are:-

* Go to the gym 3 times a week
* Relaxing baths
* Time-outs, shopping
* Cooking
* Journalling
* Organising

We all have to deal with some sort of stress in our lives.

The thing that makes the difference is making sure we are aware of how the stress is affecting our lives and do the things we love to do in order to cope.

Absolutely great pointers, Samantha.

The gym one is the most effective for me but alas, the one I find hardest to do, esp now in winter

The other thing I like doing is cleaning and organising when I’m cross, so when the house is sparkling, watch out

If you had to rate your stress levels on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being not stressed and 10 being “I’m about to crack”, where would you be?

What are the most effective ways for you to deal with stress?

Saying ‘no’.

I am not one of those people to say ‘Yes’ to everything.  The problem I encounter is saying no to myself.  Sometimes I can get so caught up with doing the things that I think need to be done and then I forget about the things I want to get done.

For example some days I can spend the whole day doing housework without resting or taking time out to recharge.  This is my saying ‘no’ problem.

I am going to try to work on keeping a good pace when it comes to housework and looking after the family.  If I fall apart then the rest of the family suffers.

Being organised helps with this problem.  When I say being organised I mean preparing meals ahead of time and freezing them to make sure that there are emergency meals on hand for when I am unwell, or want to take some time out to rest or recharge.

Also doing things over the course of the week in smaller doses, rather then having to achieve it all at once helps too.

I am aware of the power of 15 minutes.  I like to get up and work for 15 minutes and then rest for 15 minutes.  I find that I get so much more done when I am not trying to achieve everything at once.

Samantha, fantastic insights – good for recognising that the person you most have trouble saying no to is YOU!

I also love how you know that if you’re not okay and taken care of, your family will also suffer.

Go easy on yourself and say no more

This week’s theme is perfect for the busy time I’m going through right now: procrastination.

I’ve noted that the more stressed and overwhelmed I feel, the more I procrastinate. I tend to be a perfectionist as well, to keep some sort of control I guess, and as Marcia says in the lesson, it’s often the main cause of procrastination.

The tips she gives to break procrastination are all great, but my fave is to do the most unpleasant or difficult task first, or as she often says, to “eat the frog“.

I often tell myself, “eat broccoli first, dessert after”, which means the same: once the task you dreaded most is done, you feel proud of yourself and the rest seems almost easy!

I’ve recently noted something very similar in my professional life (again): I had the chance to have a couple days without my boss being in the office all day.

She’s a mayor’s deleguee and we work together all the time since we’re planning a very big event.

We work great together usually, but when she asks for something, “not now” or “I should be doing something else instead” is NOT an acceptable answer.

When she spends the day in my office, I usually don’t do much besides what she asks for. Anyway, last week she wasn’t there for two whole days. On the first one I thought “Oh, the day is long, I can start with some easy tasks, complete some filing and some “relaxing” to-do’s. I deserve some mini-vacation!”

Well, the days aren’t that long actually, and I can’t afford vacations, even mini ones! I ended up not having done much and feeling frustrated for “wasting” a day.

I didn’t repeated that same mistake on the second day when she was gone, and at lunch break I had already written 4 articles for the town magazine, updated the website for the 3 coming weeks and finished the programme for our big event so that it could be printed as soon as she would give me the green light!

I can’t tell you how proud and satisfied I felt compared to the first day.

Lesson learned: I will start my day with the most important and most annoying tasks first, so that if my day gets crazy afterwards, at least this part is done. Filing can wait (not indefinitely, but you get the idea! LOL)!

Take care!

Chloe, I love how you recognised your time challenges both with your boss’s demanding style and with your own internal distractions the first day, but most of all, I love how you self-corrected.

Fantastic job – I’m so proud of you.

Do you procrastinate?
Have you ever thought about why you do so?

This week’s theme couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

I have a 5 day long music festival to organise for the very first time (needless to say we’re starting from scratch!) at work for the end of June.

As if this wasn’t enough, I also had a FET (frozen embryo transfer) planned at the beginning of July. My body started to act weird and this weekend I was sure I would never be able to get the FET done this summer and that I would have to wait until September. Knowing that, you’ll understand why I got a terrible score at the stress test included in this week’s lesson when I filled it in on Sunday night: I got 22 signs of stress, which means that I am 20% effective. Only!

Luckily, my FET issues got solved on Monday and I might have less stress signs if I’d redo the test today. But this didn’t solve everything, by far!

Here are the main stressors I’ve identified, and the solutions I’d like to apply:

AT HOME:

• Infertility: not knowing what will happen, not controlling things. Solution: maybe see a therapist to help me deal with the emotional side of this process. I can’t control the situation but I can control my attitude towards it!
• Being overweight (well… obese, to be honest!): I feel bad about myself, guilty, always tired. Solution: sleep (it’s a big factor in weight loss, even if often underestimated), eat more good food (eating less of the bad ones doesn’t work with me) and exercise some. That last one might not be done right now considering my crazy schedule, but it’s on the list nonetheless!
• Feeling that I do a lot of chores compared to DBF (even if it’s not completely true). Solution: express this feeling (he can’t read my mind!) and simply ask him to help me.
• Money worries. Solution: live frugally by cutting the last few extras, create and follow a budget.
• Guilt for not doing enough, perfectionism. Solution: admit that I can’t do it all, give up on some things/activities, declutter my (self-imposed) obligations.

AT WORK:

• Too much work. Solution: delegate, wait before saying yes and make sure that I can do something properly and without stress before accepting it.
• One of my bosses’ interruptions and sense of urgency. Solution: plan for interruptions and make “real work” on other times of the day, when I know she won’t be around.
• Not feeling recognised and respected. Solution: take my distances, this is “just” a job!

Okay, I know some of those solutions are easier said than done, but listing the things I want to work on is the first step.

I will start taking action on the items that I can manage in this crazy time without adding too much extra stress to my life.

For example, finding the time to exercise wouldn’t be easy and would do more harm than good. But getting to bed earlier to get more zzzzz in is totally doable and would help tremendously. It’s a cost/benefit balance that I need to find!

Do you have any ideas that would help me defeat my stressors? Please share! And take care!!

Marcia here – I’ve answered Chloe in the comments. Join your voice to mine.

Ah, saying no… quite a program for this week, isn’t it?

Well, to me saying no is something quite difficult to do.

Not because I can’t say no, but because I don’t say it in a good way.

I’m very strong-minded and I have a sharp tongue, and if I don’t pay attention I can be very rude. Knowing that, I was especially interested into the tips that Marcia would give in this week’s lesson about how to say no in an effective and good way.

Strangely, “NO” can be very positive and “yes” can be negative: “When you say yes to one thing, you always say no to something else”, says Marcia.

And the opposite is true. Saying no to something that isn’t aligned with the life your pursue is saying yes to your true goals and aspirations.

The things I want to say no to are the following:

• accepting extra work that isn’t my responsability, especially when there is nothing good in return,
• tolerating when someone is unfair and disrespectful to my work and, consequently, to me,
• doing extra work without even being asked to.

Once again, the professional area is the one I’ll be focusing on, as I feel respected in my private life.

What I liked most about this week’s lesson is that the last page focus on enjoying life. It helps realising that, when you say no to some unimportant, negative, useless things, you have more time, more energy and more life to spend doing important, positive things, that make you grow and feel happy.

The next month will be extremely busy at work, and we’ll have an infertility treatment right after that (frozen embryo transfer), so needless to say that it’ll be a stressful time.

Remembering to enjoy life will be more important than ever, and I’ve already scheduled some fun events: a maternity photo session with a pregnant friend of mine, some pages I want to scrap, a lunch with my friends.

All those steps will make the stressful period easier to go through.

Take care!
Chloe

Hi, Marcia here

Chloe, I love how you’ve already scheduled lots of fun events to keep you focussed and looking forward. Fantastic!!!

(you’ll see exactly why when you read tomorrow’s newsletter )

All the best with your FET and with saying no to things you want less of in your life.

Over to you – how easy is it for you to say no?

PS Sam’s had sick kiddos and will be back once they’re healthy again

Before I get to this week’s topic, just a quick update about last week’s goals I set for myself:

I had decided to

• walk with my dog 15 minutes every night
• clean the dishes after each meal
• spend 15 minutes daily working on our paperwork so that I could get our finances back under control.

Well, it all went pretty well during the week and I’m really proud of the work I did.

On Friday, I couldn’t do any of those because I had a big event at work in the evening. On Saturday I got a bit lazy but I played catch up on Sunday and all in all it’s been a good week.

Everything went much more smoothly than usual, especially thanks to the clean dishes. There’s always one little thing that can make a tremendous difference in a home: make the bed, pick up the toys every night, get up 15 minutes before the rest of the family… I guess for me it’s cleaning the dishes, and I’m glad I found this “easy button” that makes the rest of the housekeeping easier!

Actually, my house was in such a good shape that I took pix for a home tour, that you can see on my blog here. I’d love to know what you think of my home sweet home!

Okay, onto this week’s topic: boundaries.

For me, this applies mainly to work.

The professional environment is hard to handle because you HAVE to do some things that you don’t always enjoy, but at the same time, you must not abandon all pride and dignity for your job or you’ll go insane.

It’s hard to set limits and at the same time obey the orders that are given to you. In my job, I have two main boundary-related issues:

1. inappropriate behaviours (aggressive, machist, mean), mostly from colleagues.
2. not being recognized and respected, or at least not feeling like it, mostly from my bosses.

For the both problems, the solution is the same: I have to speak up in a good (=constructive) way. I must learn when to ignore bad behaviours (some people are hopeless, I must not waste my energy on them) and that telling things that I want or need simply is the best way to get them.

I already made a great step in the right direction a couple weeks ago: I asked my boss for a pay raise. Even though I was terribly scared (I was literally shaking from head to toe), I asked for an appointment and exposed my arguments.

I was calm and confident (or at least I looked like it! LOL). I haven’t gotten the raise yet, but I have good hopes that it will happen soon.

You know what sentence I repeatedly told myself to give me courage to speak up? “The worst that can happen is that he’d say no… it’s not a big deal!!!”

And it worked, I pushed my limits and even if it doesn’t work, at least I have no regrets because I have expressed what I want.

You know the sentence “It goes without saying”? I always reply “but it goes better WITH saying”, so speak up!

Take care!

Chloe, I love this post but more importantly, I love that you took action and spoke up.

It’s so empowering when we start standing up for ourselves and I’m proud of you for doing so!

Creating balance in my life is something I think about every day.  I always need to make sure that I am spending the right amount of time doing what needs to be done and the right amount of time doing what I want to do.

I make sure that I exercise 2 to 3 times a week.  This is a good time out as the kids get to go and play at their nanna’s place and I get to spend time on myself.

Organising my home has made me spend less time cleaning it, as the clutter is slowly disappearing.  Here are some examples of my decluttering.

Pantry Before

Pantry After

Spices Before

Spices After

When it comes to balance the more time I spend ensuring the kids are happy and enjoying their days by taking them places in the mornings, the afternoons have been the best times for me to take on the role of housework and organising.

I find I get energy in the afternoons so this is the best time to clean.  The mornings are the best time to go out as my energy levels are low.

This has been a hard thing to do for myself.  As when I wake up I immediately want the housework done, but I find it easier to do later on when the kids aren’t moody and wanting to go out.

I have sacrificed a lot being a mother.  The key to balance is to make sure that I am not spending more time then I should on everything.  The right amount of time for the right project is the key.

Marcia here

Sam, I love how you recognised the way your body’s energy levels work AND when your kids are less crabby, and have used it all to your advantage in your life and home.

Also, I love that you’re proving the thing I always say of organising means less cleaning

Well done – you’re doing a fabulous job, especially with the exercise now in winter!

Visit Sam at her blog, I love organising

After focusing on listing our priorities last week, this week’s lesson is all about finding and getting rid of non-priorities. To me, there are 3 different types of those that take way too much of my time and, worst, of my energy:

• activities that don’t bring “value” to my life, that don’t make me happy (mindless TV or internet browsing, gossiping and negative talking, fantasies about “what I’d do if I’d win the lottery”, which makes me unsatisfied with what I have right now, etc.)
• mental clutter, which weighs a lot even if it’s immaterial (worries about things I can’t control, like what other think, unsaid things, unspoken resentment that “eat” me from inside, non-constructive comments or criticism, which is something I’m unfortunately very good at, etc.)
• physical clutter (mostly things that comes from “shoulds” or “woulds” or “might’s”)

Those various types of clutter all have the same effect, no matter if they are “real” or immaterial: they are blocks on my road to the life I want to live.

They don’t let me grow and develop my potential, they drain me out, they make me stumble and fall down (metaphorically or really), they make me waste my energy and lose focus… Well, they are not good and they can create much much suffering and pain.

This weekend, a sad event put things back in perspective: a friend of mine had a severe accident. He fell off his roof and/or had a bad stroke, we don’t know yet which one came first. Anyway, this terrible event helped me remember that things we take for granted might not last, that we have to live RIGHT NOW and not wait until X or Y happens.

I’ve taken the resolution to not delay the important things I have to do: tell my family and friends that I love them, show them that I care about them, support them when they are going through a rough time. If that means that I will have a pile of dirty dishes in the sink because I spent my evening with my friend’s wife, supporting her while she’s waiting to hear from the hospital where her husband is fighting for his life, so be it. Once my time is over on this earth, I won’t be remembered for a sparkly clean house or a perfectly organised desk, I want to be remembered for being a good person, a caring and loving friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, and hopefully soon a mother.

This doesn’t mean I have given up on the idea of organisation but it put it in perspective: people I love are my #1 priority and I won’t let anything, any stupid attitude issue, any bad character trait come against it.

Now, please, do me a favor, go see your husband/wife/partner, kids, parents, friends and hug them, tell them you love them, show them your support with thoughtful little gestures and keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers.

Take care ! (and I’ve never meant it more than today!)

Marcia here

Chloe, I absolutely agree – that’s why I like to tell people to be organised just enough to live life like you want to. There is certainly more to life than perfectly organised folders and matching pens

PS Sam has not been well and will be back with her guest post as soon as she’s better.