Saying ‘no’.

I am not one of those people to say ‘Yes’ to everything.  The problem I encounter is saying no to myself.  Sometimes I can get so caught up with doing the things that I think need to be done and then I forget about the things I want to get done.

For example some days I can spend the whole day doing housework without resting or taking time out to recharge.  This is my saying ‘no’ problem.

I am going to try to work on keeping a good pace when it comes to housework and looking after the family.  If I fall apart then the rest of the family suffers.

Being organised helps with this problem.  When I say being organised I mean preparing meals ahead of time and freezing them to make sure that there are emergency meals on hand for when I am unwell, or want to take some time out to rest or recharge.

Also doing things over the course of the week in smaller doses, rather then having to achieve it all at once helps too.

I am aware of the power of 15 minutes.  I like to get up and work for 15 minutes and then rest for 15 minutes.  I find that I get so much more done when I am not trying to achieve everything at once.

Samantha, fantastic insights – good for recognising that the person you most have trouble saying no to is YOU!

I also love how you know that if you’re not okay and taken care of, your family will also suffer.

Go easy on yourself and say no more

This week’s theme couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

I have a 5 day long music festival to organise for the very first time (needless to say we’re starting from scratch!) at work for the end of June.

As if this wasn’t enough, I also had a FET (frozen embryo transfer) planned at the beginning of July. My body started to act weird and this weekend I was sure I would never be able to get the FET done this summer and that I would have to wait until September. Knowing that, you’ll understand why I got a terrible score at the stress test included in this week’s lesson when I filled it in on Sunday night: I got 22 signs of stress, which means that I am 20% effective. Only!

Luckily, my FET issues got solved on Monday and I might have less stress signs if I’d redo the test today. But this didn’t solve everything, by far!

Here are the main stressors I’ve identified, and the solutions I’d like to apply:

AT HOME:

• Infertility: not knowing what will happen, not controlling things. Solution: maybe see a therapist to help me deal with the emotional side of this process. I can’t control the situation but I can control my attitude towards it!
• Being overweight (well… obese, to be honest!): I feel bad about myself, guilty, always tired. Solution: sleep (it’s a big factor in weight loss, even if often underestimated), eat more good food (eating less of the bad ones doesn’t work with me) and exercise some. That last one might not be done right now considering my crazy schedule, but it’s on the list nonetheless!
• Feeling that I do a lot of chores compared to DBF (even if it’s not completely true). Solution: express this feeling (he can’t read my mind!) and simply ask him to help me.
• Money worries. Solution: live frugally by cutting the last few extras, create and follow a budget.
• Guilt for not doing enough, perfectionism. Solution: admit that I can’t do it all, give up on some things/activities, declutter my (self-imposed) obligations.

AT WORK:

• Too much work. Solution: delegate, wait before saying yes and make sure that I can do something properly and without stress before accepting it.
• One of my bosses’ interruptions and sense of urgency. Solution: plan for interruptions and make “real work” on other times of the day, when I know she won’t be around.
• Not feeling recognised and respected. Solution: take my distances, this is “just” a job!

Okay, I know some of those solutions are easier said than done, but listing the things I want to work on is the first step.

I will start taking action on the items that I can manage in this crazy time without adding too much extra stress to my life.

For example, finding the time to exercise wouldn’t be easy and would do more harm than good. But getting to bed earlier to get more zzzzz in is totally doable and would help tremendously. It’s a cost/benefit balance that I need to find!

Do you have any ideas that would help me defeat my stressors? Please share! And take care!!

Marcia here – I’ve answered Chloe in the comments. Join your voice to mine.

Creating balance in my life is something I think about every day.  I always need to make sure that I am spending the right amount of time doing what needs to be done and the right amount of time doing what I want to do.

I make sure that I exercise 2 to 3 times a week.  This is a good time out as the kids get to go and play at their nanna’s place and I get to spend time on myself.

Organising my home has made me spend less time cleaning it, as the clutter is slowly disappearing.  Here are some examples of my decluttering.

Pantry Before

Pantry After

Spices Before

Spices After

When it comes to balance the more time I spend ensuring the kids are happy and enjoying their days by taking them places in the mornings, the afternoons have been the best times for me to take on the role of housework and organising.

I find I get energy in the afternoons so this is the best time to clean.  The mornings are the best time to go out as my energy levels are low.

This has been a hard thing to do for myself.  As when I wake up I immediately want the housework done, but I find it easier to do later on when the kids aren’t moody and wanting to go out.

I have sacrificed a lot being a mother.  The key to balance is to make sure that I am not spending more time then I should on everything.  The right amount of time for the right project is the key.

Marcia here

Sam, I love how you recognised the way your body’s energy levels work AND when your kids are less crabby, and have used it all to your advantage in your life and home.

Also, I love that you’re proving the thing I always say of organising means less cleaning

Well done – you’re doing a fabulous job, especially with the exercise now in winter!

Visit Sam at her blog, I love organising

After focusing on listing our priorities last week, this week’s lesson is all about finding and getting rid of non-priorities. To me, there are 3 different types of those that take way too much of my time and, worst, of my energy:

• activities that don’t bring “value” to my life, that don’t make me happy (mindless TV or internet browsing, gossiping and negative talking, fantasies about “what I’d do if I’d win the lottery”, which makes me unsatisfied with what I have right now, etc.)
• mental clutter, which weighs a lot even if it’s immaterial (worries about things I can’t control, like what other think, unsaid things, unspoken resentment that “eat” me from inside, non-constructive comments or criticism, which is something I’m unfortunately very good at, etc.)
• physical clutter (mostly things that comes from “shoulds” or “woulds” or “might’s”)

Those various types of clutter all have the same effect, no matter if they are “real” or immaterial: they are blocks on my road to the life I want to live.

They don’t let me grow and develop my potential, they drain me out, they make me stumble and fall down (metaphorically or really), they make me waste my energy and lose focus… Well, they are not good and they can create much much suffering and pain.

This weekend, a sad event put things back in perspective: a friend of mine had a severe accident. He fell off his roof and/or had a bad stroke, we don’t know yet which one came first. Anyway, this terrible event helped me remember that things we take for granted might not last, that we have to live RIGHT NOW and not wait until X or Y happens.

I’ve taken the resolution to not delay the important things I have to do: tell my family and friends that I love them, show them that I care about them, support them when they are going through a rough time. If that means that I will have a pile of dirty dishes in the sink because I spent my evening with my friend’s wife, supporting her while she’s waiting to hear from the hospital where her husband is fighting for his life, so be it. Once my time is over on this earth, I won’t be remembered for a sparkly clean house or a perfectly organised desk, I want to be remembered for being a good person, a caring and loving friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, and hopefully soon a mother.

This doesn’t mean I have given up on the idea of organisation but it put it in perspective: people I love are my #1 priority and I won’t let anything, any stupid attitude issue, any bad character trait come against it.

Now, please, do me a favor, go see your husband/wife/partner, kids, parents, friends and hug them, tell them you love them, show them your support with thoughtful little gestures and keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers.

Take care ! (and I’ve never meant it more than today!)

Marcia here

Chloe, I absolutely agree – that’s why I like to tell people to be organised just enough to live life like you want to. There is certainly more to life than perfectly organised folders and matching pens

PS Sam has not been well and will be back with her guest post as soon as she’s better.

I was very excited when I received the first e-mail for the Simplify Your Live e-course. Reading the summary, I already knew this week would be all about vision: what does a simplified life look like. I was already convinced this would be a very important part of the project, the foundation for the rest of it, and the actual lesson confirmed this.

I have to be honest: when I first read very quickly the pages I had just printed and saw “What is your life purpose?”, I completely freaked out: how was I supposed to answer that question??

Then I thought that Marcia would never give me such a deep question without making me ready to answer it, and I read more throughly.

I was right, the lesson and the article provide great starting points to fuel your thinking. Of course, if you expect one of those “one size fits all” kind of course that will give you answers without you having to reflect and dig a bit deeper, you’ll be disappointed.

I started by reading the documents a couple times during the first two days, and I always had the questions and articles in a small corner of my head, sometimes without noticing it.

Unconsciously, it matured and after a couple days I was ready to grab my pen and start filling the forms. The point was to reflect on why I want to simplify my life and what is the goal, what it’ll look like one the process is complete (if such a process can ever be “complete”!).

To me, “simple” is another word for “peaceful“.

I want my life to be easy, to “flow” smoothly, I want to feel comfortable with the people, the things, the activities that are in my life and how they make me feel. My simplified life would be balanced, with a good mix of lightness, of ease and deep relationships (including with myself).

Some things that are blocking me to get this simple life are mainly some character traits, like my (quite frightening) ability to create drama, my taste for arguing and wanting to always be right, laziness that makes me waste myself (my time, my energy), gossiping, negativity.

To fight against those traits I basically have to be more conscious, more mindful of what I do, what I say, how I think. I must make purposeful goals and remind them to myself often, so that I stay focused on those. Baby steps, daily actions (maintenance is a big issue for me) and visual reminders will be powerful tools, I think.

Pfew, what a novel!! Thanks if you read all along!

Take care!
Chloé

Wow, wow, wow!

What fantastic insights and it’s only week 1!!!!

I’m so, SO proud of you already – so glad you’re really digging in and asking yourself the hard questions.

Do you have any questions for Chloe? Or did any of her insights resonate with you?

I realised that I haven’t had a giveaway for awhile so………

Since one of the items on my 36 things list is to “live a simpler life”, I’m giving away not one, not two, but THREE Simplify your life ecourses.

(please be gentle with me – the sales page is TERRIBLE but the ecourse is good)

The ecourse is still available for sale for $37 but it will soon* only be available as part of a bigger product set.

*I don’t know when soon is but all the updates and changes are on my goals list for October.

Yes, even my products get decluttered!

How do you enter?

1. Leave a comment on this post telling me what living a simpler life means to you.
2. Tweet about this giveaway
3. Write about it on facebook

(you’ll have to come back and comment about the tweeting and the facebooking )

In South Africa we celebrate women with a special public holiday on 9 August every year.

This year I decided to celebrate women the ENTIRE month.

So I’m looking out for things every week to inspire you, motivate you and help you to live your best life.

Like this call on ways to take care of ourselves better.

I’m signing up and it’s such a steal that I know you’ll join me too.

Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself

There never seems to be enough time and all the magazines ask you to do things like exercise an hour a day, fresh squeeze your juice, and meditate 20 minutes morning and night.

We all want to be the best we can be, so what are some simpler, less time intrusive ways we can take care of ourselves – body, mind and soul?

Join Beth Dargis on this content-rich call with ideas for making time to take care of yourself, feeling more energetic and centered, and getting rid of the guilt. Practical ideas, not “no real person has time for that” ideas. You will also have time to ask questions for your own personal situation.

You will also get a pdf workbook so you can engage with the ideas that you connect with most.

Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself call, recording and workbook is only $7.

Sign up below to register for the call, recording and workbook.

(Make sure you click to confirm the email, so you get the phone details.)

www.mysimplerlife.com/simpleways.htm )

P.S. I don’t get commission; I’m telling you about this because I think it would help you (and me )

I’ve shared before that my theme last year was simplicity.

Well, I soon realised that living a simpler life was not going to just happen.

This is what worked for me then:

Re-examine your goals regularly

Regularly can mean monthly for some people; for me, it means weekly as I get sidetracked very easily if I don’t keep reminding myself of what’s important.

Every week I’d look at my life map (I need to do a blog about that) and see that big, bold word on the top of the page – SIMPLIFY.

And when I saw a hectic schedule, I’d ask myself, “is this representative of the simpler life I want?”

Make the tough decisions

My good friend, Beth, and I held a call last year called 5 steps to a saner, simpler life. I was the co-host and yet I probably wrote 3 pages of notes myself.

I loved that call for many reasons but the best reason is this:

She shared that we often think we have no choices when the choices are tough but we always do.

E.g. You have too many time commitments and think you can’t get out of any. Yes, it’s a tough choice and even harder to tell your kids no, we won’t be signing you up for 3 after-school activities but it can be done!

Fix your environment

On a more practical level, let’s talk about simplicity with material goods (stuff).

If you want to get out from under the clutter, you’ve got to start making different choices.

When I work with clients, yes, we organise but more than that, I help them to think about the behaviour patterns that led them to the state of discontent in the first place.

If you keep buying things you don’t need, then stay away from the shops. If you don’t go to the mall, you can’t shop.

I had a really bad habit of buying info products a few years ago.

The bad habit was not in the buying of the products; it was bad because I wouldn’t  use them and they’d all sit on my hard drive doing nothing.

I actually joined Beth in a Spending Fast one month. Once I was half way through an internet transaction before I realised, “hey! I’m on a spending fast” so I stopped and then put a post-it note on my credit card so I’d stick to my resolve.

What is your definition of a simpler life?

Is this something you aspire to?

What are your best tips for living simply?

Mark this date and time down – you do NOT want to miss this call.

As you know, I don’t do free calls very often but this Thursday, I’m collaborating with Beth Dargis, Simplicity Coach extraordinaire, from My Simpler Life.

5 steps to a saner, simpler life

Thursday 29th January from 11am to 12pm EST (that’s 6 – 7pm South African time).

Go to this link to sign up

(if you can’t make it live, don’t worry – we’ll send the recording to all those who signed up within an hour of the call ending)