pic from our recent photo shoot – I love it!

An interesting thing happened the other day.

I’d been wanting to get some new black sandals for work for awhile but since I really don’t like shoe shopping (bags are more my thing), I’d procrastinated.

Well, within two days, all three pairs of sandals broke.

And I was forced to go get a new pair.

But then while in the shop, because I was desperate, I just took the best pair to suit my style.

I wasn’t in love with the shoes but I needed them.

On Sunday night when I thought about what I’d wear the following day, and thought about wearing the new shoes, I felt myself deflate inside.

And then I realised something.

These shoes don’t make me feel happy and I probably won’t wear them much.

Can you guess what happened next?

I took them back yesterday and now own another pair of shoes that do put a spring in my step.

What was the point of telling you all that?

Live intentionally.

Don’t settle.

If something’s not making you happy, do something about it.

And only wear things that you love otherwise you’ll be wasting your money

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Is it time to get your home organised for the holidays?

Do you need to take action so that your house welcomes you again?

Stop making excuses. The first step to fixing anything is admitting there’s a problem.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

You can work through the online e-course at your own pace and go as slow or as fast as you want.

Have a look here and remember to grab your free sample on that page

And for any orders of anything for November and December, you’ll get my free Christmas Planner.

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Are you settling for anything in your life?

And on a less serious note, do you like shoe shopping?

Before I get to this week’s topic, just a quick update about last week’s goals I set for myself:

I had decided to

• walk with my dog 15 minutes every night
• clean the dishes after each meal
• spend 15 minutes daily working on our paperwork so that I could get our finances back under control.

Well, it all went pretty well during the week and I’m really proud of the work I did.

On Friday, I couldn’t do any of those because I had a big event at work in the evening. On Saturday I got a bit lazy but I played catch up on Sunday and all in all it’s been a good week.

Everything went much more smoothly than usual, especially thanks to the clean dishes. There’s always one little thing that can make a tremendous difference in a home: make the bed, pick up the toys every night, get up 15 minutes before the rest of the family… I guess for me it’s cleaning the dishes, and I’m glad I found this “easy button” that makes the rest of the housekeeping easier!

Actually, my house was in such a good shape that I took pix for a home tour, that you can see on my blog here. I’d love to know what you think of my home sweet home!

Okay, onto this week’s topic: boundaries.

For me, this applies mainly to work.

The professional environment is hard to handle because you HAVE to do some things that you don’t always enjoy, but at the same time, you must not abandon all pride and dignity for your job or you’ll go insane.

It’s hard to set limits and at the same time obey the orders that are given to you. In my job, I have two main boundary-related issues:

1. inappropriate behaviours (aggressive, machist, mean), mostly from colleagues.
2. not being recognized and respected, or at least not feeling like it, mostly from my bosses.

For the both problems, the solution is the same: I have to speak up in a good (=constructive) way. I must learn when to ignore bad behaviours (some people are hopeless, I must not waste my energy on them) and that telling things that I want or need simply is the best way to get them.

I already made a great step in the right direction a couple weeks ago: I asked my boss for a pay raise. Even though I was terribly scared (I was literally shaking from head to toe), I asked for an appointment and exposed my arguments.

I was calm and confident (or at least I looked like it! LOL). I haven’t gotten the raise yet, but I have good hopes that it will happen soon.

You know what sentence I repeatedly told myself to give me courage to speak up? “The worst that can happen is that he’d say no… it’s not a big deal!!!”

And it worked, I pushed my limits and even if it doesn’t work, at least I have no regrets because I have expressed what I want.

You know the sentence “It goes without saying”? I always reply “but it goes better WITH saying”, so speak up!

Take care!

Chloe, I love this post but more importantly, I love that you took action and spoke up.

It’s so empowering when we start standing up for ourselves and I’m proud of you for doing so!

Hmmm, when I hear the same thing in a number of different places, I stop and pay attention.

This was the second time.

I was listening to Beth’s simple ways to take care of yourself and she mentioned getting a permission buddy.

A permission buddy gives you permission to do those things you don’t want to do, but feel you should. Or to do things you want to do but don’t feel you can do (like relax when the work’s not done *ahem*).

Like… when you don’t want to serve on a committee, go to a party or sign up for extra tasks.

You can say to the person, “I’l get back to you on that because I have to check with someone”

That someone is your permission buddy.

The permission buddy then says, “um, yes, it’s okay to say no” and you go do it happily.

Or when there’s a big pile of dishes or laundry and you really just want to go curl up with a book.

Your permission buddy says, “it’s okay to relax; you need to take care of yourself too”.

Somehow in a lot of us, women especially, there’s a need to get permission before doing something.

Or not.

I encounter this a lot while coaching and find myself saying things like…

“No, you don’t have to do that”

“You are entitled to have ____”

“Yes, it really is okay to not love X aspect of your job”

I just never thought of it as giving permission before.

So for today, I’ll be your permission buddy.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want.

You don’t have to go to any functions you don’t want.

You have my permission

Where do you want to get “permission” to not do, or do things?

Marcia Francois is a time management coach and speaker who helps busy women break out of overwhelm, make the most of their time and take purposeful and focussed action. Visit http://takechargesolutions.org for your free Organising Success Pack.

If you’d like help creating a life you absolutely love, contact me about my coaching services.

First, let’s talk about what a boundary actually is.

In a physical sense, it’s easy to understand that a boundary marks off where your property starts and where the neighbour’s ends. You are responsible for your property but not for anything that happens on your neighbour’s.

While not as easy to mark off, our emotional boundaries also mark off where our responsibilities start and end. Too many people feel out of control of their lives because they don’t have good boundaries.

Boundaries are like fences in that they keep bad things out and good things in.

This means that you protect yourself from things, people or processes that might hurt you and you nurture things or people that help you.

Notice I said fences and not walls. A wall means that nothing gets through from either side whereas a fence allows flow.

Boundaries are limits or barriers that protect you, your time and your energy.

When your boundaries are well-defined, they help to prevent conflict within your relationships. They are like your personal rules or policies.

Setting boundaries means owning and taking responsibility for your personal choices and the consequences thereof. You make the choice, you take responsibility and you can make a different choice if you don’t like the consequence.

You can’t control other people’s behaviour but you can control the extent to which it affects you. In other words, control your exposure to people.

For example, if you have a boundary that you only work on specific types of projects and a client gets upset about that, that is their issue. You don’t have to explain why you do so although you can if you want

I recently contacted a virtual assistant to see if she was interested in doing some work for me. She very politely emailed back to say that she doesn’t like to do such work. Well, even though I was slightly disappointed, I replied and told her that I LOVE her strong boundaries. I really do!

What would have happened if she’d taken on the work? She’d probably have hated it and been cross with herself for accepting it.

So how do you know that you have weak boundaries?

Here are some physiological signs:

• · Knots in your stomach when you agree to do something
• · Anger and resentment
• · Deep feeling of dread
• · Extreme procrastination
• · Feeling shocked or being appalled at what someone said to you

The first step to creating stronger boundaries is to learn to say no.

Remember if the reaction to your setting boundaries is not great (sulking, anger, nastiness, etc), it’s not about you – it’s about them. That feeling belongs on their side of the “fence”.

Complete these 3 sentences on a piece of paper (or in the comments) with as many statements underneath each as you can think of:

1. People may not… tell crude jokes in front of me
2. I have a right to … ask for help, time off, etc.
3. To protect my time and energy, I choose to do/ not to do  …… more than one social plan every weekend, only 3 hours of work on my business every week day

Those were my examples above. Over to you

Here’s to setting healthy boundaries!